


tiny infinity

by downhillnow



Series: both sides now-verse [2]
Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drabble, F/F, Family Fluff, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2020-12-14 14:36:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21017393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/downhillnow/pseuds/downhillnow
Summary: "Maybe this mattress will spin on its axis, and find me on yours."How it all began. A 'both sides now' companion piece.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a prequel to my other story 'both sides now', so it will make more sense if you've read that. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy these glimpses into how Therese and Carol's story began.
> 
> The title and lyrics are from 'Edge of Desire' by John Mayer.

**Admiration **

Carol couldn’t help how her eyes kept wandering back to the photographer hired for the day’s shoot. She had arrived later than she would’ve liked because of Rindy’s tantrum, so she had rushed into the townhouse and immediately been whisked away to oversee last minute styling decisions, and had thereby missed the introductions. 

But now she couldn’t take her eyes off the younger woman. The relaxed clothes looked comfortable but were also stylish and professional. Her dark hair was tied up and out of her face, showing off that vibrant smile that had first caught Carol’s attention. The dimples which appeared when she smiled made it hard for Carol to focus on her actual work. She kept trying to come up with excuses to finally go over to introduce herself, but every time she had managed to work up the courage, someone came over to ask her input on how to position the sofas, or how many magazines should be “carelessly” spread across the coffee table. 

“Hey, Carol!” Her head snapped up at the sound of her name, and she looked around to locate where it originated from when she realised it came from the creative director of the magazine. He happened to be standing next to the object of Carol’s admiration and was waving her over. Carol quickly ended the long stream of words coming out of her assistant’s mouth and crossed the room to the creative director and the photographer. 

“I figured it was time you two were finally introduced.” Carol noticed the photographer giving her a once-over before quickly snapping her eyes back up when she realised she had been caught. A lovely flush coloured the woman’s cheeks, and Carol had to bite back a smirk_. _ “Carol, this is Therese,” the man continued. Carol extended her hand to shake Therese’s, noticing the slight tremble in the other woman’s hand. 

_ Therese. _Carol thought, sounding it out in her head. 

* * *

**Vacant**

“Do you want any more children?” Therese asked Carol out of the blue one afternoon. They were both lying on the living room floor with their heads close together and talking about whatever crossed their minds. Carol’s apartment was quiet without Rindy there. 

Carol hesitated before answering. “I thought I did, but after everything I had to go through to get Rindy...” she trailed off. Therese only knew a little about the hardships Carol had gone through to finally get pregnant with Rindy, just pieces of the puzzle which had been mentioned in passing. 

“I’m not sure I could go through that again,” Carol smiled sadly at Therese.

* * *

**Quicken **

“I really have to go now,” Carol said against Therese’s lips as she tried to untangle herself from her. Therese only tightened her grip in response. “Really, Therese, I’m already going to be late to relieve the babysitter.” Therese finally relented her hold while releasing a sigh.

“This would be a whole lot easier if we just lived together,” she mumbled as she rolled over and buried her face in her pillow now that Carol’s hair was unavailable to her. Carol’s heart quickened as she stood at the side of the bed staring at Therese, not knowing if she had heard her right or if she had just imagined it, as part of some great desire to be able to for once, stay the night in the same bed as Therese. Carol thought Therese had fallen asleep and slowly began to get dressed, still slightly shocked by what she thought Therese had said. Just as Carol was bending down to press a soft kiss on Therese’s temple, she opened her eyes and peered up at Carol. 

“I’m serious, I’m going to ask you soon,” she stated before promptly closing her eyes again, once again leaving Carol in a daze. 

* * *

**Call**

Every time the phone had rung over the last few days, Therese had to restrain herself from lunging at it incase it was finally Carol calling to give Therese her answer as to whether or not she wanted to go out with her. When Carol’s name finally appeared on the screen, Therese felt a wave of anxiety wash over her as she answered the phone. “Hello?” her voice sounded breathless, and Therese cringed at how excited she must have seemed. 

On the other end, Carol sounded unlike herself when she said, “Hi, Therese, sorry about taking so long to get back to you.” Therese thought Carol sounded unusually nervous compared to the other times they had spoken in person. “Sure, that’s no problem,” she replied breezily. 

Therese tried to appear unbothered by the obvious hesitation in the way Carol spoke, like she wanted to say something, but just couldn’t find the right words for whatever it was. When Carol suddenly appeared to have found the words she had been searching for it came to her in the middle of Therese suggesting restaurants where they could have dinner. 

“I have a kid,” Carol blurted out. “I have a kid, and I think you should know that before we go out.” 

Therese on the other end let out a small “Oh,” before ceasing to say anything else in response to Carol’s admission. With her mind racing, she tried to get her bearings to come up with a reply that would let Carol down gently. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any feedback or thoughts on the story is most welcomed. Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Favourite**

“I think you’re turning into her favourite person,” Carol observed from where she sat on the floor watching Therese chase Rindy around the living room. Therese glanced back at her before quickly focusing back on her game with Rindy. “You think?” she asked breathlessly. Carol laughed at Rindy’s gleeful squeal. “You hadn’t realised?” she countered back to Therese. 

“God, I need a break,” Therese said with a groan as she plopped down next to Carol while Rindy occupied herself with running a train up and down their legs while making chu-chu noises. “You guys are getting along great,” Carol said, continuing her observations from earlier. She felt Therese go still at her words and start wringing her hands, a tell-tale sign that she was hesitant about saying something.

“I’m only here for the fun stuff, though. You do all the heavy-lifting on your own.” Therese hesitated before adding, “I’d like to be more involved with her. If you’d let me.” She looked hopeful as she gazed steadfastly into Carol’s eyes to show how serious she was. “Rindy is such a big part of your life, and I want to be part of every aspect of both of your lives,” Therese finished with a nervous smile. 

Carol’s heart skipped a beat. This was the commitment she had waited for. She smiled shyly, feeling bashful at starting to cry once again. 

“I’d like that too,” Carol breathed.

* * *

**Wary**

“This was supposed to be the time when I got back into the swing of things.” She was pacing back and forth, not being able to sit still for long before she was off again. Abby sat on the sofa eyeing her warily. Carol had invited her over because she needed a time-out from talking to a toddler with a limited vocabulary. When Abby had arrived she had only taken one look at her before telling her to sit down and start talking. 

At first, Carol had been hesitant, but after some gentle prodding from Abby, it all came spilling out. She told her about how hard it was to make time for Rindy and work, and now with Therese in the picture she didn’t know if she could do this anymore. 

“I’m probably nothing more than a casual thing for her,” Carol mumbled mostly to herself. Therese was young, and had nothing besides a job to tie her down. A job which took her all over the country if she wanted it to. Why would she be interested in a single mother in her thirties that came with a lot of baggage and commitment? Carol had realised that this hesitant relationship they had started to build was too fragile, and it was better to just end it now before she got too invested.

“Carol, what are you saying?” Abby said, interrupting Carol’s inner monologue. Carol tried her best to stop the tears that were threatening to fall when she finally answered, “I think I have to stop seeing Therese.” 

* * *

**Unparalleled**

"I'm old," Carol said. 

"You're not old." Therese rolled her eyes at Carol. 

"I am old, and I am _ not _ going out with you and your model friends." Carol was adamant, and crossed her arms with a huff. Therese sighed and moved to stand in front of her. She pulled Carol close to her, placing her hands on her hips. "Carol," Therese started as she stroked her hands up and down her torso. "You're the only one I have eyes for and you always will be." Carol looked sceptical and refused to look at her. “Come on, I want to show you off,” Therese whined. 

Therese ducked her head to catch Carol's eye. She could see that her lips were twitching with a hint of a smirk, and Therese knew she had convinced her. "So you're coming then?" 

"You won't leave me for some younger version of me?" Carol asked with narrowed eyes. 

"Carol, no one can compare to you," Therese answered in a serious tone which made Carol flush at the compliment. "Fine," Carol dragged the word out. 

Therese's face lit up and she pressed a smacking kiss to Carol's lips. "Thanks, babe." 

* * *

**Loss**

“Can I ask you something?” Therese asked as she fiddled with the arms on one of Rindy’s sweaters. Carol looked surprised at the question, and chuckled at Therese’s obvious nerves. “Of course you can, you can ask me anything,” she replied with a patient smile. Therese paused before asking in an earnest voice, “what was the process of getting pregnant with Rindy like?” 

Carol froze at the somewhat unexpected question, and steeled herself before answering. “I don’t like talking about it much,” Carol mumbled while distracting herself with folding the mountain of toddler sized clothing beside her. “It was a really difficult time for me, and I usually try to focus on all the positives instead, like the fact that I got Rindy out of it.” She took a deep breath.

“I had a miscarriage.” Therese’s heart ached at the words. “It was early still, and I hadn’t told a lot of people, so it was mostly just me having to deal with it.” 

“And it really sucked going through that alone.” Carol gave her a watery smile. “Oh, Carol,” Therese whispered. She moved to wrap Carol in a tight embrace, and she could feel her shirt dampening from Carol’s tears. “I wish I could’ve been there for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is taking me a bit longer to write as I have to hold myself accountable to what I've written before, so it's taking a bit more planning as I try to shed light on some of the things written in 'both sides now'. 'Loss' in this one can be seen in relation to 'Zigzag' especially. 
> 
> I hope you're enjoying this! As always, your thoughts are much appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm back! Sorry this took so long, I hope you enjoy it. x

**Parting**

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Therese asked as she was getting ready to leave Carol’s apartment. 

“Tomorrow.” Carol kissed her goodbye. “Love you.” 

The words slipped out easily, like breathing. She hadn’t meant to say them like this without any ceremony to them, but it seemed that she was unable to keep her feelings to herself any longer. Carol tried to gauge Therese’s reaction as she stood with one arm in her coat, her movements frozen for a moment. Therese quickly shrugged both arms into her coat before moving in front of Carol. She smiled shyly at her and took a deep breath before, just as easily, the words were repeated back to Carol. 

Carol’s heart melted at both the words and the sight. 

* * *

**X-ray**

“God, I knew I shouldn’t have left her with you.” Therese felt her heart sprain as if it were Rindy’s wrist, at Carol’s harsh words. Her face was ashen, and the guilt bloomed inside her. 

“She’s everything I’ve got,” Carol said fiercely as she clutched Rindy’s uninjured hand. Therese wanted to interject that Carol had her as well, but this wasn’t the time. She quietly gathered her things before moving towards the door. 

“I’m sorry,” Therese said in a meek voice. Carol didn’t acknowledge her words. 

* * *

**Infatuation **

Therese moved around the room, shaking hands and receiving praise for the photos she had taken of the space Carol had designed. As she was wrapped up in conversation with the creative director of the magazine, Therese could feel someone’s eyes on her_. _She scanned the room to try and locate the person watching her, and finally found Carol looking her way. Therese had hoped Carol would be here, but she hadn’t been certain. But now she was here, and Therese couldn’t look away as Carol held her gaze until the man by her side demanded her attention. 

The suit Carol was wearing had to be tailored to fit her like that, and she had forgone a shirt underneath the jacket which left a plunging neckline. Therese swallowed hard. She knew she was being very obvious in her admiration of Carol, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. When Therese looked back up to Carol’s face, she could only stare as a slow smile spread across red lips. 

Carol motioned for Therese to join her as she widened her eyes while giving a pointed look to the man beside her vying for her attention. It was an easy choice to make. She had been unable to stop thinking about the remarkable woman over the last few weeks. Therese interrupted the man at her side to end their conversation before quickly moving to Carol's side. 

* * *

**Gloom**

The prolonged sigh from the other end of the sofa made Carol look up from the sketches in her lap. Carol couldn’t help voicing her frustrations. “You’re being really immature about this.” She only got a snort in reply from Therese as she continued to stare at her laptop screen. 

“Is this really about the marriage thing?” Those words finally made Therese react. “The marriage _ thing_? Are you referring to me wanting to discuss, quite seriously, I might add, if we should get married as a _ thing_?” Therese’s voice had risen with each word, and her anger was palpable. 

“There’s no reason for you to get angry with me just because I’m not sure if marriage is something I want,” Carol defended herself. Carol quickly found herself at the receiving end of a scathing look from Therese. 

“I’m not angry with you, I’m angry at how you handled the situation.” Therese hesitated, and the fire in her gaze dimmed somewhat. “And I’m _ hurt _ at how you didn’t even take me seriously.” Therese closed the lid of her laptop with more force than was necessary as she stood up. “I’m going to bed,” she muttered. 

Carol was left sitting on the sofa with a sinking feeling in her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm so sorry this has taken me forever. I went to London and had the best time, and then I really struggled to get back into this. I also posted a Halloween one shot from this universe if some of you missed that. 
> 
> As always, I love to hear your thoughts.


	4. Chapter 4

**Zebra**

“Can you see the toy, baby?” 

Carol was hiking Rindy further up her hip while the little girl hid her face in her mother’s neck. Carol had said not to bring anything for their first meeting, but Therese had impulsively bought the stuffed zebra while walking past the toy section of the department store she had been in the other day. It wasn’t exactly meant as a bribe, but Therese had figured that anything that could work in her favour wouldn’t hurt. 

Her interactions with children, and toddlers in particular, had been sparse and far between up until that point. So when Carol had first brought up that maybe it was time for her to meet Rindy, Therese had been excited, but the excitement had quickly been replaced with nerves. And now with Rindy staring at her with wide eyes, the nerves were back in full force. 

“Can you say hi to Therese?” Carol’s careful coaxing didn’t seem to lead anywhere until Rindy suddenly reached for the stuffed toy, and extended her arms towards Therese as well. Carol handed Rindy over to Therese who stiffened at the unexpected arrival in her arms. Rindy looked at Therese and gave a high pitched, “hi”. 

Carol beamed at the two of them. 

* * *

**Tangled**

“You have a walk-in,” came Carol’s assistant’s voice along with a knock to her office door. He stepped aside to reveal a timid Therese standing behind him. Carol felt a pang in her chest when she saw Therese, the hurt feelings from the disastrous phone call rushing to the surface. Carol was tempted to turn her away, as she believed they had nothing more to say to each other, but she waved for her assistant to let Therese in and to close the door behind him. 

Therese’s movement were hesitant as she hovered near the door before finally moving to sit in one of the chairs across from Carol’s desk when Carol nodded at them. She cleared her throat and seemed to wait for Carol to say something. When Carol didn’t initiate any conversation, Therese started talking. 

“I kinda freaked out a bit last week,” she admitted sheepishly. “And it’s been pointed out to me that I was being really immature. Which I guess is true.” She shrugged in a self-deprecating way. “I don’t know if you’re interested in hearing my reasons for turning you down, but if you are, I’d really like to explain why I jumped the gun like that and let my insecurities…” Therese shook her head. “You just really took me by surprise, and I was awful.” 

When Therese paused for breath, Carol was stunned at her words. She opened her mouth to say something in return, but was interrupted by Therese before she could. 

“Will you give me another chance?” 

* * *

**Bedroom**

“Are we seriously going to have a pink bedroom?” 

Carol had been sceptical about the idea ever since Therese had brought the paint samples along with her first moving boxes a week ago. She had insisted that they needed to make what used to be only Carol’s bedroom more like _ their _bedroom. Which apparently involved painting it in some kind of popular pink colour Therese wouldn’t stop showing her pictures of. Rindy had been all for it when she’d heard that her mother and Therese would have a pink bedroom, and was ready to help paint. 

“It’s not going to be all pink, you know that.” Therese rolled her eyes at her. “You’ll get to keep some of your precious white walls.” Carol gave her a look and eyed the pink paint that was ready for them to start painting with. “It’s just so pink!”

“It’s not _ that _ pink. Right Rindy?” Rindy was quick to agree with Therese and nodded enthusiastically. “Come on, live a little!” Therese teased. “Yeah, mommy, live a little,” Rindy tried to repeat after Therese. It lost it’s teasing effect and instead only became endearing and Carol felt her lips twitch into an involuntary smile. 

“You’re repainting it if it looks awful.” 

* * *

**Reserved**

“I put everything out there for you, and it feels like you give me so little in return.” Therese was frustrated, that much was obvious. Carol could feel herself shutting down and braced herself for the inevitable end. “We’ve been seeing each other for a few months now, and you’re still so closed off from me,” Therese continued. “Every time I try to bring up something related to your past relationships, pregnancy or Rindy, you just completely shut me out.”

Carol could see the fight leaving Therese and it made her feel frantic in a way she hadn’t felt before. Carol knew she was evasive about emotional things because she was scared of getting hurt, but she had tried her best to open up to Therese. “I’ll try harder,” Carol promised desperately. 

“I’m not them,” Therese implored. “I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to be with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the jumping back and forth isn't too hard to keep up with. I have the semi-chronological order in my head, but I also like leaving it kinda fluid and up for interpretation as well, but 'Reserved' takes place before 'Loss', just to avoid any confusion. :) 
> 
> I always love hearing what you guys think and that you're still there, so please leave a comment. I thrive on them.


End file.
